I used to carry guilt and shame because of my unbalanced and toxic masculine influences. Growing without a father or a masculine role model was both a struggle and a blessing.
It was a struggle because I used to resent men, therefore the masculine in me, because of the story I identified with, while dealing with abandonment and rejection pattern. The dude did what he could, he's deeply forgiven. In fact I am thankful for his seed! It was a blessing because I had the chance to explore and develop freely the masculine side in me and become the man that I would love to be without control, dogmas and limited perceptions.
It was a blessing because growing up mostly with women around I learned how to understand, integrate and embody the feminine part in me. When this is harmonized with my masculine part, I feel complete and expanded.